Last time I wrote a blog post on a topic in relationships, it was my highest hit post in 2014 (Christ and the Single Christian). People flock to these things. So here’s to attempt #2.
I’m currently reading Matt Chandler’s new book “The Mingling of Souls”. It is a book about God’s design for relationships and marriage. It deals with every stage of a romantic relationship of a man and a woman from Attraction through dating and courting, through marriage and sex, through fighting in marriage, all the way to ending with staying with a spouse until death. Definitely a good book.
Chandler deals with a topic in the book that I was glad someone put into words. I have been trying to voice this idea for a while, but haven’t known how to put it.
This idea is that every person has a soul mate. That we should all be looking around, trying to find “the one.” That is false from a Biblical perspective.
I actually used to believe it. Before I became a Christian, I used to think that the woman that a man was going to marry was created by one of his ribs. I thought men had one less rib than women. So I assumed that my future wife was out there somewhere, having been made by my rib. So, ladies reading this, go get an x-ray to see if you have my rib.
No, the reality is that I have the same number of ribs as anyone reading this. There are rare cases where people come out with an extra one or one less, but under normal circumstances, men and women both have twelve pair of ribs. Eve had to be made from Adam’s rib because there wasn’t a woman in the world for Eve to be born from her womb. Ever since, everyone has come from a woman’s womb, not a man’s rib.
Let’s just do some theorizing here for a second. Say that there is “the one” out there for everyone somewhere. Humans have been around for somewhere between 6,000-10,000 years. Don’t you think, in a sin infected world, that it’s absolutely probable that someone in the past thousands of years messed up and married “not the one.” And if one person messed it up, it would have created a domino effect at which today, no one would be able to marry “the one.”
Or maybe the sovereign God was up in heaven watching mankind and he had made it that John was supposed to marry Susan, but Susan got married to her high school sweetheart Bill. God said, “Whoa! I didn’t see that one coming.” So God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit had to get into a huddle and recalculate like a GPS.
“Okay, we will put John with Sarah and move Sarah’s soul mate, James over to be with Emily, but……oh shoot, James just married Deborah. I don’t think we can fix this.”
No, the freeing reality is that there is not “the one” out there. There are many. So, you find someone who loves Jesus, who will be a good partner in life and making disciples, that you are attracted to and you marry them. Case closed.
When you don’t go into it looking for your soul mate, then your partner won’t be burdened by you constantly judging whether or not they are “the one.” When you get married and realize you married a sinner, who isn’t perfect and that your relationship with them is not going to be spotless like the Hallmark movies would make you think, you start to question, “Did I marry the right person?”
Stop looking for your soul mate. There is no such thing. You don’t have to be burdened by whether or not you marry the right person. There is only one way to tell if you married the right person. They say, “I do.”